There are people who cannot understand what they really want. Is it as if there is a desire, but internal energy does not create it, it is more a duty – to eat, to wash, to watch TV, to surf the phone.

The primary criterion is that it is not a genuine wish – there is no fire in it and you would not like it if it were implemented. Here’s an instruction on how to train your ability to recognize your desires.

Why It Happens

A decision made in childhood usually influences it. When you time after time cannot get what you desire. Have you been condemned, rejected or punished for your desires.

Another option – your parents took too much care of you, or they were too worried about you, or they knew everything in your place – what you need.

Why Change It

Make you feel alive. To be satisfied. To enjoy what you do. Desires are one of the primary fuels on this planet.

What Now?

You have trained to ignore your desires for 20, 30, some even 40 years. In order to change your habit, it is important to practice the awareness of your desires all the time for a period, a few walks will not be enough.

All people want something while they are alive, so everyone has a wish. You just have to knock it down. The human brain is plastic and you can create a new habit if you follow the instructions. It usually takes about 30 days to develop a new habit. Believe me, the result is worth it.

Preparation: Set up a program on your phone that will remind you to practice every hour. Any timer will work. The program should work all day, from morning to evening. Can you do without it? Oh, only you will forget and it will end in a fiasco.

When you hear the reminder, you need to stop, listen to your feelings, and answer three questions:

  • What are my physical feelings?
  • What do I feel? (feelings, emotions, states)
  • What do I want now?

Why exactly such questions

What are my physical feelings?

The senses in the body need to be conscious to divert attention from the head where most people go about life. And then you can feel yourself, not ideas about yourself. Very useful practice.

How do I feel now?

Feelings are the most important part of life. If you are not in contact with them and cannot recognize them, it will probably be difficult to be clear about your wishes. And – they currently sell emotional intelligence at every step, but first you need to be aware of and name your feelings.

What do I want now?

Don’t expect immediate New Year’s fireworks or unicorn debts. In the beginning, you need to learn to follow the simplest impulses.

For example, you notice you want to change posture or move your shoulders. Or get drunk or go to the toilet (and you haven’t noticed in an hour).

And only by restoring such a basic sensitivity will you be able to gradually come up with more complex wishes. An important aspect is that you definitely need to do what you want (within the law, of course) and get a little well-being out of it.

What does this practice give?

You will develop two new skills – the ability to focus on yourself and distinguish signals (perhaps quite weak at first) that tell about your condition and desires. This is the “contact with oneself” that psychologists talk about relentlessly.


This practice has a side effect that I want to warn about. If you listen to yourself, you find that something is happening in your life that does not satisfy you or that you are doing something you do not want.

At work, in relationships, in entertainment, in lifestyle – anywhere. And then you will have to answer the question – are you ready to change anything? And wishes … – they will have to be fulfilled after that …

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